Father’s Day gifts are one of those subjects most Dads just dismiss. Why? Because they never get what they really want. Lots of silly ties, lumpy hand-made Play-Dog ashtrays and sculptures, coffee mugs, and such…but not what we really yen after.

When I was in college, I was a waiter at a popular chain of Italian restaurants. Part of my uniform requirements was to wear a crazy, goofy, or interesting necktie (manager’s instructions, word for word, crazy, goofy, or interesting). Why did I not have kids before working there? I would have been set on stupid ties after one Father’s Day.

Anyone remember The Cosby Show? There was an episode where Bill calls the kids together and demands better gifts. I tried that. Tried it and it failed miserably. My kids know I am a nerd, I am into video games and collectible items (known to women as toys), things like that. Well, I said I wanted better gifts, and those ungrateful wretches bought me video games and collectible items. Ones that they would want. I am sure the look of bafflement when I unwrapped a Sponge Bob Square Pants video game was just classic. At least my wife giggled about something out of nowhere for the next few days. Sometimes I wonder if she was in on it.

So anyway, let’s take a look at some of the things we wish we could get for Father’s Day, but probably never will. Nothing too extravagant, but ideas that just seem to elude the wife and kids.

Oh, a side note to wives: we know you take the kids shopping, and you let them get away with some of those ties and bad gifts. Do you really think guys are dumb enough to think a vacuum is good Mother’s Day gift? I’m just saying.

First of all, fishing supplies. This is a category that fit any budget, wives and kids. ANY budget. If you happen to have won the lottery recently, a boat would be appreciated. If the family is on a shoestring budget, a package of artificial worms are just as ugly as some of those necktie choices, but Dad will get more use out of the worms. The rubber fishbait is probably less expensive than the ties, sadly enough.

Next category is grill stuff. This is another general group of gifts that can fit every spending limit. So the kids can’t pool their piggy bank contents and buy that awesome stainless steel grill for $1200? Well, how about some new grill utensils? Maybe replace that spatula you used to clean up dog poop with? The whole family would appreciate that, wouldn’t they?

Related to the above suggestion, how about some meat for the grill? There are specialty meat suppliers that allow top quality beef, pork, chicken and seafood to be ordered online, shipped directly to your door, all set and ready to be charred to a crisp on an open fire.

Those are just a few things that come to mind, and I could go on and on. New techy gadgets, which I’ll cover in another article. A nice addition to the liquor shelf. Lawn care products. Tickets to a favorite sporting event. Even just a day to himself to explore a new hobby. The ideas are endless, and all are preferable to heinous ties. Any guys out there with similar experiences, and maybe ideas to add to the list?