It makes sense to me that my kids are nuts.

After all, the first nine months of their lives were spent within the womb of a woman who was certifiable, temporarily at least. Not that she was special in that regard—I am convinced that pregnancy causes temporary insanity. Heck, maybe even not so temporary insanity, when you consider that many women are willing to do it (get pregnant) more than once.

The pregnancy insanity manifests itself in weird ways. I was once sent to the grocery store at three AM in the morning for refried beans, because my wife had a craving for them. However, by the time I got home with said beans, she was fast asleep. Those refried beans proceeded to sit in the cupboard until a couple months after my daughter was born. That is kind of insane, don’t you think? Shove a guy out of bed to make a store run for something she is craving, but then doesn’t eat. God knows if I did something as nuts as that, I would hear about it every time I forget to put the seat down.

Another thing that happened to my wife that showed she has lost her mind was when her vocabulary deserted her. One night she was cooking and wanted me to pass her a pot holder. She asked for a glove compartment. Swear to God, she said, “Could you pass me the glove compartment, please?” Another point in favor of the not so temporary insanity argument is the fact that twelve years later, she still has a mental block regarding the word potholder.

So, pregnancy causes weird ideas to manifest, and screws up a woman’s ability to speak. I think that is enough evidence of a link between being pregnant and being nuts. So what is a guy to do? When she loses her mind, how do you stay off the list of candidates for a padded room?

Well, my first bit of advice would be to keep your sense of humor. Even when you are bleary eyed at work after a useless run for refried beans, try to laugh it off. If nothing else you can entertain your friends with stories of such craziness. If any of them have kids and have been through it already, they will probably offer to buy you a few beers out of sympathy, and isn’t free beer worth a few ill-fated trips to the supermarket?

The other thing I would recommend is keep the important things in mind. If, like me, you find your pregnant lady very sexy, just remember the more you indulge her, the more she will (theoretically) indulge you. Unfortunately, some of that insanity might make her think there was nothing special about going out in the middle of the night for refried beans, so a little bit of diplomatic reminding might be necessary.

Above all else, remember, the two of you had fun making the baby (maybe even practicing beforehand), and now she has the hard job to do, and the birth to look forward to (or dread?). Just try to make some concessions, and remember the worst of it will go away with time.