I resolve to be less resolute. Does that count? It should. ‘Tis the season for redundant lists with promises ranging from quitting smoking to watching less Oprah to farting less in bed (I got that one from my wife).

Why, pray tell? Because we like to take stock at the end of every inevitable year and figure out ways to make improvements. And it never works on Christmas.

The problem is, waiting an entire year to take stock of perceived shortcomings is like throwing a winter coat on in July because of a storm last December. It’s only going to make you sweat, and dollars-to-donuts the storm probably wasn’t as bad as you remember it now.

Note: quitting smoking is a significant caveat here. It’s bad — always. Watching Oprah too…well, maybe not as much.

This isn’t to say one can’t make a New Year’s Resolution List in jest. Perish the thought. In fact, I suggest every Dad out there pick up their fountain pen and blotter to scribble down their most absurd notions of self-help.

A Few Gems I’ve Come Across:

  • Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
  • Bring back disco.
  • Stop regretting the past and start worrying about the future.
  • Think of a password other than “password” or your name in reverse.
  • Stop emailing, messaging, texting, and phoning the same person over the same topic.
  • Read the manual before assembling — as soon as you find it.

And Now the Requisite Celebrity Input:

“There you have it. Usher in the new year in true overrated fashion. Just don’t take it so seriously. Our lives have enough pressure without adding unmanageable goals to them.


Harry Tournemille vows to vow less.