0
Posted September 30, 2011 by Jason in Physical Stuff
 
 

Putting the Sexy Back Into Marriage After Baby

Ok, having a baby involved some sex. In some cases, a lot of sex. First there was practice, then there was actively trying to conceive. In my case, I even asked my boss for a day off so I could put that bun in the oven. Seriously, I did. I said, “Hey, Brendan, Jess and I are trying to have a baby, and the test says she is ovulating today. Can I ditch work today so I can go have sex a bunch of times?” He gave me a high five, sent me on my horny way, and I now have a beautiful daughter as a result. Once conception takes place, the sex gets even better. No more monthly interruptions when Aunt Flo comes to visit, and the wife and the husband both seem to get more randy. Add into that the fact once she is really showing missionary position gets kind of impractical, and suddenly you get to try postitions that were not ordinary before baby was in there. Pull out the Kama Sutra if you need visuals on what I mean.

Then the kid arrives, and the sex doesn’t really dry up, it just gets lower on the priority list. And all the higher prioirties seem to drain energy and desire, and create scheduling conflicts between you and your wife (try getting her to give you five more minutes of making whoopee when there is a squalling kid demanding to suck on the breast you just had in your mouth; ten bucks says she tells you no).

So here are a few tips to help you out, guys. Through three pregnancies (for a total of four kids), I have had some chances for trial and error. I will share some of what works. If you want to hear about the errors, I demand beer before I will embarrass myself with those stories.

1.     Flowers: an age old standby, show her some appreciation and you might just get in her pants. Accompany those flowers with a comment like, “I saw these beautiful (roses, daisies, whatever) and thought of you.” Try not to smirk when commenting and you might be in there.

2.     Help out: Give her some time to herself, for herself, and she might be more willign to share herself with you. That means takign care of the kid(s) while she goes shopping, do some laundry, cook dinner, or anything else to free up some time for your wife.

3.     Take a vacation: get her alone for a weekend in a hotel, and her libido will rise. Just be patient when she asks, “Do you think the baby is ok?”

4.     Try out some porn: remember, unless your girl is wholeheartedly into smut, go with soft core porn. Girls are much less likely to want to see really raw action on film, so unless you know for sure she is into it ahead of time, go with Cinemax level stuff. If you cater the erotica to her level, she will be more likely to respond to it.

5.     Suggest having another baby: if you are totally ready for a new addition, just remember how much fun you had making baby number 1. Making babies is something that gets girls into the mood. And if you just happen to ‘accidentally’ pull out at the wrong moment and miss a few chances to make that baby, that just means more nookie for you. Just don’t overplay that card or you will get busted. In the event you do get busted, be ready with a well worded excuse about how you just lust after her so much you are trying to draw out the experience. Even if she senses BS, she might still fall for tha flattery.

Now, none of this is guaranteed. And even if it works, there is no guarantee it will work twice. Like I said before, there was trial and error involved. Get creative, and try to cater to her needs so that she will cater to yours. And try to remember to do that before your hairy boys get blue and you get frustrated, because that will jsut mess up your game.


Jason

 
I am a 30-something father of four lovable heathens, avid gamer, technophile, science geek, caveman, and grill addict. Sometimes I have funny stuff to say so I write it down, and I'm lucky enough to make my living doing it.